How long can a “need” relationship work?
I think that your instincts are probably right, and he is doing the “fade out” breakup with you (meaning he is slowly disappearing because he fears doing it face to face). The more you try to get back closer to him, the more you talk to him about this, the more he’ll pull away. So, as hard as it may seem, I would do the opposite. I would let him be. I would take some space away from him. Even if he doesn’t come to realize that he doesn’t want to lose you (which he may), it’s the smarter thing to do. I hope this helps, Lisa
It seems to me that your relationship can go to another level only if you separately work on your own issues first
Hiya, well where to start… Well this about me and my boyfriend ish… We’re basically just friends with benefits… .. We have given each other permission to date others but we kinda both don’t wanna share. Well my problem is that I want more… I want to be with him fully and he doesn’t . I say “I love you” and he will rarely say I love you back but if he does it’s like it’s not the same love that I feel. I know I love him more than he loves me. We’re both 24 and were great for each other… He helps cheer me up and makes me feel happy, which if you knew me isn’t an easy task, I suffer from severe depression and other stuff but I won’t get into all that. And I try to help him with his alcoholism, he feels better when I’m around, and his anxiety is lower when I’m around… I have reduced his drinking slightly when I am around… But he is still drinking too much… He doesn’t want to be so dependant on alcohol but he just can’t seem to kick the habit. But anyways my point is that I want more and he doesn’t, sometimes it just seems like I’m more of a friend and that’s it… We kiss and hold hands and his parents love me and my mom loves him, if anyone was to look at us, it would look like we were already dating, but we aren’t… He doesn’t want anyone else and neither do I… So why can’t we be with each other… At first it was me stopping it, I said I didn’t want to date an alcoholic because I didn’t want him to quit drinking just because of me, I want him to quit because he wants to quit… So is there just no future for us… Or what? I really want there to be… But it’s just really starting to get hard to put my feelings aside… Please help me and thank you for taking the time to read and reply to this….
I think he is obviously afraid to commit. I’m sure he has love feelings for you, but if he doesn’t answer back I would stop saying it for a while. You are both depressed (he is depressed too if he is an alcoholic), and developed a need for each other to feel better. And is it really love or just a hole you want to fill through him (and him through you)? You have to take the focus off of “us” and to “me”. When you feel better about yourself, you’ll appreciate yourself more, and maybe you’ll see things completely different. I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon,